This week, God has really shown me how He always provides. I was stressing this week about concurrent education applications. I mean, I didn't have classroom experience, I didn't seem to have much hours, andd I was just constantly worrying that I wouldn't be able to GET classroom experience, considering the fact that usually the process to get IN is a LONG one.

but then God proved to me, once again, how faithful He is. I went to an elementary school to ask if I could volunteer there. Two actually... one of them was my old elementary school, and the other was a neighbour to it. Anyway, I went to my old elementary school first, but I was discouraged because the secretary said that the time it would take to process my volunter application would take at LEAST 6-8 weeks :S  That was NOT enough time for me, as I needed to submit my application BY March 20, 2009. To be honest, I really didn't think that the next school would be any better. I thought it was pointless to try and go there, but I decided to just go anyway. I was expecting a NO, but I went anyway for the sake of asking. But yeah, the incredible thing wass that the VICE PRINCIPAL talked to a teacher, who gave me this opportunity to volunteer in a kindergarten classroom the NEXT DAY. It was WEIRD because they didn't even know me. They didn't know who I was, they didn't know my history, but just like that, they let me do it! :P

it was TOTALLY God's grace & favour. So, today i went to volunteer, && the kids were GREAT. Haha, I really enjoyed their company. Overall, it was GREAT. and the teacher said that she could get me to volunteer @ a gr. 3 classroom tomorrowww, in the morning, and perhaps a gr. 5 classroom in the afternoon. So its like..from having NO experience in the classroom, to having experiences in 3 different levels, all within a time span of 2 days!! :DD

how AWESOME is thatt :)

God is SO good! :D

Typical New Years reminiscing

So it's New Years Eve, and 2009 is approaching as quickly as ever. In exactly 5 hours and 58 minutes, it will be a new year. I honestly cannot believe how quickly 2008 went. It's actually kind of scary how time FLIES. It really shows how little time we have on this Earth, as God is prepping us for Jesus' second coming.

This year has been both GREAT and BAD. My experiences this year have, in a way, 'exposed' me to how naive I am to the world that I live in. LOL. There has been a lot of NEW things that happened to me: the stress of university applications, the amazing prom night, new && amazing friends, entering university for the first time, going to ccf @ York and meeting THE MOST AMAZING people, being blessed with great friends who stuck with me through the thick and thin, straying/reviving my faith in the Lord, the removal of one pastor, and the replacement of another, learning and re-learning the AMAZING beauty of His love for us, amazing new concepts, learning that you can't always succeed in everything in life, and learning to be grateful for things, to be content within all circumstances.

In terms of my spiritual walk, I think I've learned more THIS year than I have EVER learned before. The truth is, though I've LEARNED a lot, I've also SUFFERED a lot spiritually & mentally. 2008 has been a rocky mountain/obstacle for me. But I'm also learning that you cannot focus on the negative aspects all the time, and you cannot live your own way. Living your own way is a foolish thing to do, wallowing in self-pity also is foolish. Why? Because so much of your energy gets drained when you try to live things YOUR way, when you constantly focus on the bad things in life. When I think about it, all those times where I've experienced, felt, or thought something negative, it didn't really help me. Cus i wouldn't want to move anymore, because I would be discouraged, or heartbroken, or ....... you name it. Being negative affects your relationship with other people, too. But when you are POSITIVE in your thinking, POSITIVE and HOPEFUL in GOD, you continue to strive for perfection. You continue, you move, you fastrack, you persist and persevere until you get your goal. And when you try to live your OWN way, you don't end up feeling good. I mean, technically, you DO feel good, but that feeling is only temporary. Your feelings of happiness, however, quickly fades away. One minute, it's there. The next thing you know, you're back in the dumps. It happens to me all the time. One moment, I'm excited, pumped up, passionate. The next thing I know, I'm down in the dumps. And I know the reason for that: it's because all these things that I've been so caught up in, are all EARTHLY... TEMPORARY.... they won't last forever. I've lacked an ETERNAL perspective. I've been so caught up with living in this world, trying to fit in to this world, trying to belong, when I've attempted to abandon who God made ME to be... JEN . S.. NOT somebody else. NOT like the rest of the world. As in the words of Ian from the movie What a Girl Wants, "Why do you try so hard to fit in, when you were born to stand out?"

When we view the world with our ETERNAL "eyes", we realize that all these worldly things seem to fade away in importance. These things that we try SO hard to get- popularity, succession, intelligence, achievements... when we die, we won't carry all that. All we'll carry is ourselves, our personalities, and thats IT. And at the end of the world, it all comes down to US and GOD. Our friends won't matter, our connections won't matter.. nothing will matter but God. Nothing WILL matter to God except for what we have done while we were on this earth; whether or not we made a difference, whether or not we did what we were called to do. And part of what we were called to do... was to BE OURSELVES... something that I'm not completely sure I've done... or allowed people to see. I may have acted myself all these years, but I may have 'covered up' a bit of myself from people, out of fear of rejection. Steering clear from having them get to know me, the REAL ME, && all because I'm scared that they will reject the REAL ME.

This year, I've been taught a lot. I've been taught to really love myself for who I am. I am so grateful for those individuals, you know who you are, who tried to get me to see how great of a person God created me to be. To be honest, though, it's not all over. I'm still struggling with that. But thank God that there's HOPE. Thank God that "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

This morning, I was reminded of the HOPE that I have in Christ. The JOY that I have in Christ. the POWER I have in Christ, and ALL THOSE THINGS will come in TIME.. in GOD's process, and that will also only come once I REALLY start to believe in God's love. Though I've felt like giving up numerous times, God has always been there, pushing me forward, urging me to have faith... in Him, and in myself, as well.

Try to live out 2009 in the most HOPEFUL manner. Remember to live by GOD's hope, GOD's blessings, and live HIS way, because that's the only way life will work out :)

God bless you guys, and have a HAPPY NEW YEAR! :D

Today was my church's annual Christmas event, called "Share your Light."  Overall, i loved the presentations/music/ dance etc, but one thing that I felt was lacking is what I always feel whenever I step into that place- alienated.

You know, the strange thing is, I've known everyone for the longest time. We all grew up together, went to the same Sunday School class, attended youth group together, etc etc. Yet for some reason, there was no connection. It was like... there was everyone else... then there's me... its like there's this brick wall between us that cannot be broken down. And this happens every time I go to church. Week after week, month after month, it's like.. no matter how hard I try to 'intermingle' with people, its like.. all I get in return is a feeling of alienation... loneliness. It leaves me bitter & alone inside.

and I've TRIED to forgive them. I forgave them a lot, over & over again, but to what extent can I sustain this attitude? I already apologized to many people for becoming bitter over this whole issue, and they've apologized too. I've already lifted it up to God, but then circumstances.... how much does that really change? Circumstances don't change. After I forgive them, come next week, next month, I go back to feeling like I'm still the outsider, the loner, the odd one out. And even when people try to go out of their way to make me feel more welcome, (which I'm very grateful for, don't get me wrong!) there's still that issue where we're just TOO DIFFERENT. I cannot connect with these people. We're just WAY too different. and it builds. Every week, every month when I feel this. I try to act like I don't care, that GOD is enough. that i don't need to feel a sense of belonging.... but it doesn't work.

I can't seem to be satisfied with GOD alone. I know in my head that God is enough, but I also NEED to FEEL it physically. SEE it physically; God created us for fellowship cus he said it is not good for man to be alone.

Well, that is what I need. That is what I DESIRE right now. But I don't have that right now. And unless i move churches, I don't know if I ever WILL find that. But, is it right? Why was I placed here in the first place? Sometimes I question why God placed me here, out of all places.... when clearly, i don't fit in with the congregation. What does that mean? is my time up? Am I called to go some place else, and THATS why I feel so isolated & alienated??

UGHHH. questions, questions, questions.

Jesus as Our High Priest

A couple of weeks ago, my pastor preached about Jesus being our High Priest, and how BECAUSE of that, God views us in the same manner in which he views Jesus. Just today,
I ran into this SAME topic in my devotions. Anyways, I'm here to share what I've been taught. Hopefully this will bless you and open up your eyes to the AMAZINGNESS of God (:

So back to what I was saying about Jesus being our high priest. Hebrews discusses how Jesus Christ came as a high priest.

Hebrews 9 says,

"When Christ came as high priest of the good things that are already here, he went through the greater and more perfect tabernacle that is not man-made, that is to say, not a part of this creation. He did not enter by means of blood of goats and calves; but he entered the Most Holy Place once for all by his own blood, having obtained eternal redemption. The blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a heifer sprinkled on those who are ceremonially unclean sanctify them so that they are outwardly clean. How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!"

Hebrews 9:11-14

Basically the verses talk of the process in which Jesus was the high priest that CLEANSED us of all sins ONCE and for ALL.

Hebrews 10:10-12 says,

"And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all. Day after day every priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. But when this priest had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God."

Now, let's backtrack for a bit. In the Old Covenant, high priests were the REPRESENTATIVES of their HOMELAND to God. Therefore, if you wanted God's blessings, all you needed was a very good high priest who did all his duties, did the right things, etc etc. If you had a bad high priest, your nation was doomed for the next year. Reason? Because high priests were people's representatives to God.

High priests represented the entire NATION from which they came from. As an example, Aaron was a high priest. He was, therefore, the representative of the Israelites to God. In other words, when God looked at the Israelites, He wasn't looking at the Israelites.... He was looking at Aaron, and what HE did. Furthermore, Aaron had to be the one to please God if he wanted blessings. Even if the rest of Israel was good, if Aaron was BAD, then it reflected POORLY on the Israelites. Likewise, even if the nation was BAD, if they had a GOOD high priest, they would still be blessed.

Let's take a look at some biblical examples to support this:

Exodus 28-29 talks about the ordination of Aaron and his sons as the high priests. They were ordered to wear certain clothing, and if they didn't, they'd die. They had to "sacrifice a bull each day as a sin offering to make atonement. Purify the altar by making atonement for it, and annoint it to consecrate it. For seven days make atonement for the alter and consecrate it. Then the altar will be most holy, and whatever touches it will be holy....For the generations to come this burnt offfering is to be made regularly at the entrance to the Tente of Meeting before the LORD. There I will meet you and speak to you; there also I will meet with the Israelites, and the place will be consecrated by my glory. .. Then I will dwell among the Israelites and be their God."

Moreover, because of SACRIFICE, God was able to dwell among the Israelites. And the only people allowed to go into the tabernacle, along with the altar, was Aaron and his sons.

Only the PRIESTS were allowed to go in, and even they had to wear certain clothes and be consecrated.

Exodus 29:44: "So I will consecrate the Tent of Meeting and the altar and will consecrate Aaron and his sons to serve me as priests."

Anyways, so in other words, the High priest was the intermediary between God and the Israelites. Any sense of communication came through the High Priest or the Prophets.

Prophets were God's representative to the people; High Priests were the PEOPLE's representative to GOD. :)

So yes, back to the point about Aaron being the high priest. So long as Aaron kept up with the offerings, God guaranteed that he would dwell among them, and so would the blessings of God. Since God is a HOLY God, He couldn't dwell with them before, because of their guilty sins. However, because the Tent of Meeting and the altar and Aaron/sons were consecrated, God was able to. Thus, God's presence, and hence, blessings, depended on the annual/weekly/on and off sacrifices that had to be made.

Moreover, the more sacrifices, the better off you were, because God's presence would be there.


In the same way as high priests are representatives of people to God, so is Jesus. And as OUR high priest, when God sees US, he doesn't see us in our sinful nature, He sees us as He sees JESUS- no matter HOW MANY TIMES we fail, mess up, or whatever. He forgave ALL our sins, past, present, and even FUTURE sins, on that cross in Cavalry 2000 (or more) years ago.

When Jesus came as the ultimate SACRIFICE, he took away ALL sins, and then He SAT down.

What's interesting to note is that Jewish priests NEVER sat down; the tabernacle and the temple did not have seats. They did their work standing up as a symbol that it was never finished. However, having finished the work of a priest once for all, Christ SAT DOWN, indicating that it was FINISHED.

Now, I don't know about you, but I find that INCREDIBLE. That God looks at us as He views his SON, Jesus Christ. That He forgave all our sins ONCE and for ALL, even FUTURE sins were forgiven; all sins forgotten.

Hebrews 10:17-18 says,

Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more. And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin."

Let us thank God for His amazing nature, His love, His kindness, and more importantly, His gift of GRACE that comes to those who believe in Him, who ask Him to come in and become Lord over their life.

God is SO amazing. <3